I am afraid and I am at a loss of what to do. These few weeks has been more of a battle-zone, battling with my thoughts and battling with my feelings. I’m almost there but time and again I feel that I should just give up. The teachers gave us the credibility to take part in this upcoming IT competition representing the school, so we should do our best and make full use of this chance to show others what Year 1s have got. I am not able to manage two blogs at one go, and I’ll definitely miss using wordpress, but everyone’s at blogger and I feel lonely. I’ll leave this wordpress here (But I’ll probably shut it down soon…) so here’s my blogger address: http://jolenepoh.blogspot.com

I want to do well and achieve all ADs. I want to make my way into the University. I want to be more self disciplined and I want to learn how to prioritize my time more. I want to lead this new life like I’ve never done before. I have never felt so new.

Some overdued photos of my colleagues… Will be seeing them tomorrow!!

School these days has been tragically tiring. I’ve been juggling between my work (Mainly projects) and commitments for the class. Sometimes I take things too easily, but today, I totally blew up. Now that our class tee design is finally done, I’ve got one less matter to handle but more intense researches on my IAC and COMT projects. So, a few minutes ago, I’ve just sent John’s computing maths book for photocopying (Because I really don’t wanna spend $22.60 on it…) and I’ll be meeing Peiling to pass her my converse shoes later.

I think about my work place now and then, I miss the people there, I miss everyone who’s working there. I was reluctant and hesitant to work then, but now everything’s different. Before I go to bed tonight, schoolwork will be the last thing I’d want on my mind. One day, I want to do something to change the world. One day, I want to let the rest of the people out there know that they are, all survivng for a reason – That is to live this life they have to the fullest. And I’d want everyone to treasure their loved ones as much as they treasure their lives, because you wouldn’t know when they’d be taken away next.

Dear father,

Please bless my grandmother with good health.

In clasped hands I pray,
Jolene.

婆婆，我会在你身边陪着你，一辈子。请您不要离开我。

I hate my fringe, I hate my hair. I need (Or want) to do something with my hair but I still don’t know what to do with it. I finally figured my way around Microsoft Word, Microsoft Powerpoint and Microsoft Excel and I’m planning to join the Java Drive with Alvin and Danial in May. I haven’t really made up my mind but I guess I’m fixed on that thought for now.

This first week of school just whizzed by. My brain feels sponge-like, slow. Wet and soaked through like the bandages on a running boy in the rain, soaked of ideas and too much responsibility to bear. I am going through this much, don’t feel like eating much these days yet I make it a point to finish all my food. But look, I’m trying to prove a point here, like, there are starving kids in Africa. The rice prices are increasing, inflation of food and rice are inadvertently the cause of the higher death-rate in Africa (And everywhere). Pave the way yellow brick roads and ruby shoes. The rake-thin figures lay around on mud and below trees. These are happenings. Life is an installation. I am just lucky…

I’ll be meeting Jerry at Macs later to do the marksheet due Monday, I’ll be helping out at work tmrw, I’ll be busy planning/coordinating the plans of the skit for the Variety show for next Friday, I’ll be busy collating all the props that are needed, I’ll be busy giving everyone a role to perform, I’ll be busy telling who and who to do what and what, I’ll be busy thinking of backup dance moves in case Brice fail. I am not superwoman. But it’s just week one. I will survive.

Looking at these makes me feel a lil’ comforted, and at the same time reminds me of the little kids running, trampling over their own small lil’ feets craving for brownies. I’ll show you what I mean. But it’s a pity I couldn’t get shots of lil’ kids while working. Maybe, next time.

And what’s wrong with people these days? Miniskirts work if you’re 20. But at 50 you risk being “mutton dressed up as lamb.” I see too many of these. Save that glamour folks.

今天是我在这部朗尼店做工的最后一天。我真会怀念这个地方！那些阿姨们，alvina姐姐和老板们都偷偷地给我一个惊喜-那就是给我一个六片winnie the pooh的布朗尼蛋糕！我顿时不知该说什么话才好，心里十分感动。我真料想不到他们还会给我什么惊喜的。我也开心到鼻子也红了，泪水也不停的流下来了。我爱他们。这几个月，若没有了他们在我身边鼓励我，支持我，我也耐不到今天。何况，这也是我第一次为人家打工，也是留给我最深刻的记忆的地方。我还是别多说了，再说下去，我泪水又快流出来了。

我一定会想念:
1。那从家到工作的四十五分钟的行程
2。早两个小时报道
3。跟阿姨们谈天说笑
4。alvina姐姐和lijuan姐姐叫我妹妹/宝贝
5。那两个好玩又谈得来的老板
6。为阿姨们，姐姐们，老板们按摩
7。到地铁外分布朗尼试品
8。他们教我标准的华语

送你们一句吧。
“Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.” – 老祖

I’m finally sitting at my desk again, somewhat alone. I haven’t been alone for weeks. Not since some jerkface reared his ugly head into my life and made me feel so trapped. I felt like I was living the biggest joke of a life in the universe. But you know what? These years I have fought to find myself, fought to keep me, fought to be me and fought to forget the guy whom I thought I could spend my life with (Not anymore). I won’t apologize for surviving. I’ve done enough of that.

My goal isn’t to bump anyone out, or cause division in anyone. Being marked down in something you do not want to be involved in just causes tension. That tension built and built and built… Leading to what probably caused the blow up last night.

Even though it’s only been a month and a few weeks, these mean alot to me. I enjoyed myself and their company alot.

School’s next week!

Too much unnecessary dinner/supper and lack of sleep, yet there is this desperate need for energy and survival in all forms. I’d give everything (Food & Sleep) up to have lattes and coffee with good friends in the prettier fields of this city, talking, and talking through… Instead, there’s too much of not enough. I work, work and work while my friends enjoy their amazing lives occupied by PI, GP and Econs essays, partying every night, drinking, socialising… I feel strinkingly unchallenged in every form. I wished taking a plane to the other end of the world would require zero amount of cash, I’d leave straight away.

The laptop is waiting, the songs are increasing, the pages are still blank… But memories of you still remains. I tried to write but the words can’t seem to flow. There are still so many experiences to make, so many personalities to meet, so many places to see… Everyone puts on this mask, and cover all appearances. Fact is, we’re all strangers.

Tomorrow I think in the morning I’ll get up early, before my sister have gone to school, ask her how was her weekend at camp and make her a chocolate toast, and tell her how much I missed spending time with her. She’s my own little darling, who carries all her books home from school and seeks help from me whenever she feels caught. She is smart and mischievous and brave. But I do not want her to end up like me. I want her to do better.

“It had to be you”

(Will post in Chinese the next time round. Brain’s malfunctioning…)

我有一个愿望：把生活的每一天活得最好！

这个学期我又学到不少新的知识。虽然有些累，但过得很充实。我也很满足。

爱，不是你要就能拥有的。它需要长期时间而慢慢培养成的。但少了它。。。这世界，就像是没有灵魂的去壳，一首没有歌词的歌。那么，活在这世界上也没什么意义了。最基本的爱，也得是父母亲的爱吧。